crying is part of the plan

Karate will challenge you like nothing else. I often find that parents and students expect me to react with shock and dismay when they report feelings of discouragement, hard experiences, and emotional struggle. One thing I wish everybody knew coming in: “Crying is part of the plan.”

Here are the top five things that will make students cry.

1. Students will receive corrections from the teacher. It won’t always be gentle and patient. If a student is doing something dangerous, or using equipment improperly, or distracting classmates, they will be corrected. A teacher can’t always stop a lesson to pull one student aside to correct them quietly and thoroughly. Correction will happen in front of peers. It will not always be delicate or ginger.
2. Students will be passed in rank by somebody who started later than them. This is one of the most discouraging things when it first happens to a student. But the truth is that unlike some other academies that promote everybody based on raw time in the dojo, we have strict parameters. It is merit-based FAR more than it is time-based. Realistically, this means some students move faster than others, and for the vast majority of students, this means that they will be passed at some point or another by somebody faster.
3. Students won’t always be promoted when they want or expect. Few things are more difficult than being skipped over for a promotion. Sometimes a student knows they aren’t ready, and they’re just frustrated that the process to improve is taking so long. Other times, the student is under the impression that they’re ready, but the Sensei “hasn’t noticed them” yet. (Hint: I’m VERY good at noticing when my students are ready for promotion. If you think you’ve been overlooked, ASK ME. 99/100 times, I’ll be able to tell you EXACTLY why I haven’t pushed for your promotion yet.)
4. Students will lose tournaments. And I don’t just mean they’ll receive 2nd or 3rd Place. I mean there will be divisions where they don’t even get a trophy. Heck, sometimes there will be entire TOURNAMENTS where they won’t get any trophies. That’s hard. It’s meant to be. Tournaments are a time to test ourselves. They can be extremely validating, or they can be a stern wake-up call. Either way, they’re exceptionally valuable.
5. Sparring is scary, and students WILL take some hits. Accidents happen in all sports, especially contact sports. Now, the good news is that we put so much emphasis on control that we’ve never had a child sustain a serious injury from sparring. No concussions. No broken, cracked, or fractured bones. But our accidents do look like bloody lips and noses, black eyes, being knocked to the ground, kicked between the legs, and having the wind knocked out of you. They’re superficial injuries, and they’re fairly rare, but they sure don’t FEEL superficial when it’s just happened to you.

I’d like to add a quick caveat: I never want students to tie any of this to their self-worth. None of these things will happen because a student is worth “less” than their peers. These things will happen because it’s part of the process. I’m not writing this to ignore mental health; I’m writing this so that parents and students know that it’s OKAY to struggle in this dojo. Heck, it’s expected! No student is struggling alone. In fact if you aren’t struggling, it means I need to make some adjustments.

Karate is hard because self-defense is hard. Karate is scary because self-defense is scary. Karate challenges our students on an emotional and physical level because self-defense will challenge them on an emotional and physical level. I take my job very seriously. I insist on having students that are careful, respectful, and tough. And part of becoming tough is doing hard things, feeling hard feelings, and learning that you are resilient enough to survive it.